CAREFUL WHAT YOU CALL IT 3rd Bathroom Reader

"In Taiwan," according to a book called 'The Want Makers,' "Pepsi's 'Come Alive with the Pepsi Generation' was reportedly translated on billboards as 'Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the dead."'

When the gringos at General Motors introduced the Chevrolet Nova in Latin America, it was obvious they didn't know their Spanish. Ads all across Latin America heralded the arrival of the new, reliable Nova, which in Spanish means "Doesn't go."

HARVARD'S "TRUTH" WITHOUT GOD Our Daily Bread

When Harvard University was founded, its motto was "Veritus Christo et Ecclesiae" - "Truth for Christ and the Church." Its crest showed three books, one face down to symbolize the limitation or human knowledge. But in recent decade's that book has been turned face up to represent the unlimited capacity of the human mind. And the motto has been changed to "Veritas" - "Truth."

The pursuit of knowledge is praise-worthy, yet learning can quickly lead to pride and a refusal to acknowledge any limits on our mental abilities. When that happens, Biblical truth is ignored.

SAME WORD OPPOSITE MEANING R.Digest 5/95 p. 73 -John Train

To Buckle: fasten together; fall apart

Engagement: loving tie; military battle

Downhill: getting easier; getting worse

Quite: slightly (quite nice); exceedingly (quite out of the question)

Temper: harden (steel, for example); soften (e.g., justice with mercy)

DINNER'S FOR SUPPER? R.Digest 10/94 p.89

While on vacation in Florida, my wife and I made plans to visit her grandmother. On the morning of our visit, we called to let her know we'd show up around dinnertime.

When we arrived at five o'clock, Grandmother was annoyed. "Where have you been all afternoon?" she asked. "I had a nice big dinner ready for you at one o'clock!"

Confused, I replied, "At one o'clock? You mean lunch?"

"That's dinner!" she snapped.

"Dinner is supper," I argued.

"No, supper is supper," she countered.

"Dinner is lunch."

"Well, if you put it that way, we had dinner before we left," I said. "So what's for supper?"

Throwing her hands up in the air, she said, "Dinner."

MILLENNIUM MISCHIEF R.Digest 8/95 p. 104

In the introduction to "The World Almanac to Good Word Usage," Edwin Newman expresses the editors' view of the millennium: "The first century began January 1 of the year 1 A.D. It follows that the 20th century will not end until December 31, 2000, and that the 21st century will begin on January 1, 2001. Not repeat not, January 1, 2000 as the common assumption has it."

These guys are going to miss all the parties. Language mavens and bean-counting calendar-watchers can prove their case to their hearts' content, but the big-ball is going to drop in Times Square at midnight of December 31, 1999. Such linguistic and mathematical correctness gets tromped on and flattened by the hooves of the happily inaccurate herd, leaving a small knot of hard-faced language protesters holding a sign that reads "Not Yet" amid the cork-popping celebrants of the new millennium.

THE MEANING OF THE WORD R.Digest 3/84 p.93

At a retirement dinner: "Today we honor a man who doesn't know the meaning of the word dissemble, who doesn't know the meaning of the word fear, who doesn't know the meaning of the word quit. And so, we've all chipped in to get him this dictionary.

CHANGING THE STANDARD R.Digest 7/80 p.108

I asked a housepainter I know if he ever had any trouble mixing colors. "Boy, did I" he said. "Just last week, a woman handed me a little green chip and said she wanted her living room walls painted the same shade. I must have mixed the color 5 times, but she just kept shaking her head and saying 'Sorry, that's not it.'"

Were you ever able to get the right shade?" I asked.

"No. But she was satisfied after a long telephone call to her mother."

"You mean her mother convinced her that she would never be able to get a perfect match?"

"No," he said. "While she was talking, I painted the chip."

ICH BIN EIN BERLINER R.Digest 8/85 p.46

While visiting in W. Berlin, I stopped at Kennedy Platz, the site of President John F. Kennedy's famous speech. The tour guide was recalling the climax of that impassioned address - the part when the President paused and then cried, "Ich bin ein Berliner!" The crowd that day in 1963 was swept up in the emotion of his words and ignored their meaning until later.

Kennedy had wanted to say, "Ich bin Berliner!" or "I am a Berliner!" But what he actually said was, "Ich bin ein Berliner!" or "I am a jelly doughnut!"

WING OF RABBIT R.Digest 8/82 p. 140

An uncle of mine raised rabbits, and his 4 year old granddaughter was very fond of all of them. As a result, the adults in the family were told before dinner that, even though the main course would be rabbit, we were to call it chicken.

As my uncle, the host, passed the big platter of rabbit around, we each announced the part of chicken we wanted. When he came to his granddaughter, he said, "Well, Margaret, what do you want?"

"I'll take a wing," she said.

PLEASE OR LITTLE PIG? R.Digest 12/86 p.134

While on a tour of Poland, one of our group would call the waiter with "Prah-chuh! Prah-chuh!" which he told us meant "please." I began to notice that our guide was growing discomfited Finally he politely said, "Please, it is pronounced 'Prah-shuh.'" Asked what "prah-chuh" meant, the guide replied with a sigh, "Little pig."

THE NAME CHRISTIAN

Henry Ward Beecher: "Let me speak in the language of heaven and call you Christians."

Albert Barnes: "These divisions should be merged into the holy name Christian."

Martin Luther: "I pray you leave my name alone. Do not call yourselves Lutherans, but Christians."

John Wesley: "I wish the name Methodist might never be mentioned again, but lost in eternal oblivion."

Charles Spurgeon: "I say of the Baptist name, let it perish, but let Christ's name last forever. I look forward with pleasure to the day when there will not be a Baptist living."

The Apostle Peter: "Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in this name." (I Peter 4:16)

The writer Luke "And the disciples were called Christians first in Antioch." (Acts 11:26).

PRAISE THE LORD - AMEN R.Digest 10/79 p.132

A man owned a remarkable horse which would go only if the rider said "Praise the Lord," and would stop only if he said, "Amen."

The man decided to sell the horse, but when he explained the horse's peculiarities to a prospective buyer, the buyer said, "That's ridiculous. I've been raising horses all my life. I'll make him go my way."

So he jumped on the horse and kicked him until he started to run. The horse went faster and faster. Worried, the buyer reined back and yelled, "Whoa!" But the horse wouldn't stop. Suddenly the man saw they were galloping toward the edge of a cliff. Desperately he yelled, "Oh, all right, Amen!"

The horse screeched to a halt just in time. Peering down over the edge of the cliff, the man wiped the perspiration from his brow. "Whew," he said, "Praise the Lord."

FRACTURED ENGLISH R.Digest 2/79 p. 155

English grammar.

Doorway of dentist in Istanbul.

each one should press number of wishing floor." - Belgrade.

ELECTRIC CHAIR RUN AROUND R. Digest Nov.1970

The children of the head of a prominent family decided to give him a book of their family's history. The biographer they hired for the job was warned of one problem-Uncle Willie, the black sheep, who had gone to the electric chair for murder.

The biographer promised to handle the situation: "I'll just say that Uncle Willie occupied a chair of applied electronics at one of our leading government institutions. He was attached to his position by the strongest of ties. His death came as a true shock."