QUOTE: Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.

Anyone who has lived or worked in a skyscraper knows tall buildings sway in the wind. There’s no danger; the engineers know it will happen, but the sway is uncomfortable for people inside. When engineers and architects designed Citicorp Center in New York, they decided to do something about it.

At the top of the fifty-nine story building, they installed a machine called a tuned mass damper. The machine, writes Joe Morgenstern in New Yorker magazine, "was essentially a four-hundred-and-ten-ton block of concrete, attached to huge springs and floating on a film of oil. When the building swayed, the block’s inertia worked to damp the movement and calm tenants’ queasy stomachs." Craig Brian Larson, Contemporary Illustrations for Preachers, Teachers, and Writers, Baker Books, Grand Rapids, 1996, p. 273.

QUOTE: Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set

I’M ALWAYS SURE OF MY OPINION

In one of Charles Schulz’s Peanuts comic strips, Linus and Charlie Brown are engaged in serious conversation.

"I have a theological question," says Linus, "When you die, and go to Heaven, are you graded on a percentage or on a curve?"

"On a curve, naturally," Charlie responds.

Linus asks puzzledly, "How can you be so sure?"

Charlie brightly answers, "I’m always sure about things that are a matter of opinion."

DOING THE IMPOSSIBLE

Lardner, an eminent mathematician wrote an article proving no steamship could ever cross the Atlantic. A steamship later carried that article across the ocean.

One scientist said that no railway train could travel faster than 10 mph.

An engineer stated no bridge could span the Mississippi.

A great philosopher named Come said: "cease trying to find out about the stars. That knowledge is beyond our reach." But 10 years after his death, the spectroscope was invented that opened the heavens to man’s eyes.

Two scientists: Thompson and Tyndall, proved that the pressure and absence of light made life at depths of the sea impossible. When man finally invented a diving bell capable of probing the ocean’s depths, life was found to exist well below the surface.

THE RULES OF LIFE Richard W. DeHaan Let’s Face the Issues 1980

HEDONISM – People who live by the I’ll do as I please" code are after only one thing – their own pleasure… A person who lives by this approach gradually ruins his life through drink, drugs, or immorality, and you would take it upon yourself to warn him. He probably would say something like this: "What I do is my own business. If I want to ruin my life, it’s totally up to me."

… No nation in history has remained strong after a majority of its citizens have adopted this philosophy of living. Greece and Rome rose to prominence during a time when their people were family centered, patriotic, and industrious. Over the years, however, their leaders became hedonistic, and their attitudes gradually sifted down to the people. It wasn’t long before the old fashioned virtues were replaced by wanton selfishness, and this inner decay led to the collapse of these once mighty empires.

UTILITARIANISM – A large number of our society believe that they set the rules of what is right or wrong. But they modify this stance with the attitude: "I’ll always consider the greatest good for the greatest number." The people who take this view are making the public welfare their criterion for moral decisions. They decry the selfishness of the hedonists, choosing rather the most good for the most people.

They are against promiscuity, for example, because they know it’s harmful to those involved and to the entire community. They promote the family because they view it as the basic unit of society. And they would be against the filling of teaching positions by homosexuals because they know the spread of this lifestyle would be harmful to everyone. In fact, some of the people who make moral decisions on the basis of the greatest good for the greatest number take commendable stands on many issues.

… This view, often called Utilitarianism, doesn’t really meet the human need... A prominent medical man, for example, published an article in a leading scientific magazine saying that in tomorrow’s world every fetus should be checked and every potentially defective child aborted.

… A highly popular book of the 70s, said that every person who reached 60 years of age should be transported to a beautiful sanitarium, and in its pleasant surroundings, he should be given a shot that would painlessly and swiftly end his life. This would reduce the threat of overpopulation and dramatically cut medical costs, thereby easing the burden on society.

You see, the principle of the greatest good for the greatest number can be twisted into justification of terrible evils – from random abortion to the execution of men and women whose only flaw is that they have reached the age of 60.

SITUATIONISM – The 3^rd answer to the question "Who sets the rules?" is similar to the second. It says "I do, but I’ll always consider the situation and do the loving thing." … The followers of the love principle ethic usually claim two reasons for doing so. First, they say they are looking for practical solutions to moral problems – not idealistic, unworkable platitudes. Second, they insist that people must be valued above principles or laws. Therefore, they say that person facing a moral dilemma must find a workable solution that is loving and kind - even if he must break a law that he feels is generally good for mankind.

Let me cite a true example related by a new morality theologian. A man who was several years older than his wife became impotent. This threatened their marriage. About that time one of their friends became a widower, but he didn’t want to jeopardize his estate by remarrying. So, the impotent man and his wife made an arrangement with him that he would fulfill her sexual needs. The theologian declared that under these circumstances she was not committing adultery. This same theologian would, in certain instances, condone stealing from the wealthy to keep others from going hungry.

On the surface, examples like these seem reasonable and acceptable, for the "loving thing" was done. But that doesn’t altar the fact that the law of God was violated. The Bible expressly forbids it. Adultery and stealing are wrong, and through conscience and general revelation, everyone knows it. In fact, even the most primitive people prohibit these practices.

This is the grave of Mike O’Day

Who died maintaining his right of way

His right was clear, his will was strong,

But he’s just as dead as if he’d done wrong.

NOT AS IT APPEARED R.Digest 7/2000 Alan Calhoun, Bristol, Conn.

Preparing for a tag sale at our house, my wife and I decided to put out a mirror we’d received as a wedding gift. Because of its garish aqua-colored metal frame, we just could not find a room in our house where it looked good.

Shortly after the tag sale began, a man looking to decorate his apartment bought it for one dollar. "This is a great deal," he said excitedly. "It still has the plastic on it." Then he peeled off the aqua-colored protective covering to reveal a beautiful gold finished frame.

"There are two sides to every question," said the fool.

"Yes," said the wise man, "and there are two sides to a sheet of flypaper, but it makes a difference to the fly which side he chooses."

One day a woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a plank that had been left by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Later she found out that up until that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

TURN ANYWAY R.Digest Feb. 2000 p. 57 – Daniel J. Pholgeers

Soon after graduating from college, I took a job as a home health worker in the rural foothills of N. Carolina. One day I asked a client for directions to my next patient’s home. A family member told me travel down Old Route 6 until I saw a dog and a red truck. He then instructed me to turn at the next right.

"But what if the dog and truck aren’t there?" I asked.

"You still turn right," he replied.

PAYROLL PRIORITIES R.Digest 4/97 p. 171 John Anderson

Many departments share the same copier at the company where I work. When 4 of us from different areas converged on the machine at the same time, each gave a reason why he or she should go first. The person from accounts payable said, "We have to get our bills paid, so I should be first."
"If we don't get our receivables collected," countered a staff member from that area, "you won't have the money to pay the bills."

As product manager, I said, "Unless I sell something, there won't be any receivables to collect, so I should go first."

Then the last person mentioned she was from payroll - and everyone quickly cleared her a path to the copier.

A college professor stood before his class and marked these two numbers on the blackboard:

4

2

---

Then he asked what the answer was. One after another, the students volunteered "2," "6," "8" and so on, but each time the professor shook his head and eventually the class fell silent. Then he said "you've all started with the wrong end. First you must know what is the question." What is the question?

BROADMINDEDNESS'S LIMITATIONS Pulpit Helps 11/96 p. 8

There is no room for broad-mindedness in the chemical laboratory. Water is composed of two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen. The slightest deviation from the formula is forbidden.

There is nor room for broad-mindedness in music. The skilled director will not permit his first violin to play even so much as 1/2 note off the written note, chord, and key.

There is no room for broad-mindedness in the mathematics classroom. Neither geometry, calculus, nor trigonometry allows any variation from exact accuracy, even for old time's sake. The solution of the problem is either right or it is wrong (no tolerance there).

There is no room for broad-mindedness in biology. One varying result out of a thousand will invalidate an entire theory.

There is no room for broad-mindedness on the athletic field. The game is to be played according to the rules with no favors shown for "charity's sake."

There is no room for broad-mindedness in the garage. The mechanic there says the piston rings must fit the cylinder walls within one thousandth part of an inch. Even between friends there cannot be any variation if the "motor is to run smoothly."

How then shall we expect that broad-mindedness shall rule in the realm of Christianity and morals? He that forsakes the truth of God, forsakes the God of truth.

An ancient Hindu story tells about six blind men who were brought to see an elephant:

"It's very like a wall," said the first man as he touched the side of the elephant.

It's very like a spear," said the second man as he stroked the elephant's tusk.

And the third man taking the elephant's squirming trunk in hand said) "It's very like a snake."

"Nonsense!" the fourth man shouted. Stretching his arms about one of the legs, he concluded "this wondrous beast is very like a tree."

The fifth man, touching the elephant's ear, cried, "even the blindest man can see that this animal is very like a fan."

And the sixth, grabbing the tail, assured his friends that "the elephant is really very like a rope."

Wrong (sorry, Popeye). Spinach does have vitamins A, B and C, but it gets its fame from iron -- and it has only a modest amount of that. (Besides, iron won't make you strong. You're a human being, not a skyscraper.)

Wrong. Some vitamins are more abundant in the inside, not the peel. Besides, the skin is only a small fraction of what the whole potato has to offer.

Wrong. Shell color has no affect on the taste or nutritional value of eggs.

Wrong. Calories are a unit of heat. Because ice cream contains so many calories, it actually makes you warmer in the long run.

Wrong. Anything you get out of a sardine can is a sardine, but almost anything can go into it - usually young herring or pilchard.

Wrong. As long as you keep the opened can tightly covered and refrigerated, it's just as good as all that plastic ware they sell at parties.

Wrong. It's neither. It's reduced air pressure that causes your body to soak up extra moisture from the air and feel so uncomfortable.

Wrong. Actually since lightning's current takes a the path of least resistance it's more likely to strike more than once in the same place than it is to pick out a new route. The mast atop the Empire State Building was struck by lightning 68 times in its first decade.

Wrong. It may produce eye strain, but that causes no lasting damage.

Wrong. There is no such thing as an "average" body. For example, most people have

three arteries branching off from the aorta above the heart - but more than a third of humanity does not. Some folks have as few as one artery there or as many as six. Stomachs also vary in size, shape and position. The ones you see in textbooks charts are merely idealized examples.

Wrong. The vitamin A in carrots is good for your eyes, but there's not enough in carrots to

make a noticeable difference.

Wrong. In fact, if you have sensitive skin or dry skin, cleanliness is next to itchiness. Daily bathing can actually damage sensitive skin.

Wrong. Family environment, diet and other external factors - even mere growing - can raise or lower an IQ by 10 to 20 points

Wrong. Actually, you couldn't live without most of your body's bacteria. They help ward off disease, synthesize vitamins, digest your food and help with many other functions you couldn't do without.

Wrong. Body temperatures vary from person to person and even at different times of the day. The 98.6 figure is merely a statistical average.

Wrong. Even some people who don't take the Bible literally still think men have one fewer rib than women. Men and women both have an even dozen.

Wrong. It only seems that way because the skin around them shrivels, making the hair and nails appear longer.

Wrong. Despite all the cosmetic claims your pores don't breathe. That's what your lungs are for. Painting someone from head to toe might be uncomfortable, but it's not fatal (unless he's allergic to the paint.)

Wrong. Even though tooth decay is the most common human affliction (90 percent of Americans suffer from it), Science still doesn't know what causes it. (Wild animals don't suffer from it.) Acid produced by bacteria in the mouth is one factor in tooth decay, but not even frequent brushing is a guarantee against cavities.

Wrong - sort of. It depends where it is in the body. Blood that has picked up oxygen from the lungs is red, but as the oxygen is used up, the blood turns a bluish purple. All blood turns red on contact with the open air, however.

Wrong. Muscle is muscle, and fat is fat two entirely different kinds of tissue. You may get flabby, but that's due to taking it easy, not to some magical tissue conversion.

Wrong. Baldness is hereditary. Your clothes (and how you sleep and how you wear your hair, etc., etc.) don't have anything to do with it.

Wrong. Elephants have such poor eyesight, they can't even see mice.

Wrong. Fish breathe by extracting oxygen from water via their gills. If they stay in water that has little oxygen in it, fish drown.

Wrong. Do you drink through your nose? What an elephant does is suck water into its trunk and then squirt it in its mouth.

Wrong. Whales spout air after coming to the surface. Since that air, which had been in their lungs, is warmer than the outside air, it condenses into vapor then blown out and looks like steam (just as your breath does in the winter).

Wrong. In true hibernation, body temperature, heart rate and breathing drop to certain levels. This isn't true of bears. They may sleep a lot, but they're not hibernating.

Wrong. Not in the sense that a firefly can glow. Cats' eyes merely reflect light. In a completely darkened room with no light source, you can't see a cat's eyes.

Wrong. A dog's sweat glands are on the soles of its feet. A dog sticks his tongue out because its moist and the evaporation helps to cool it. (Dogs are mostly air-cooled, Like a Volkswagen.)

Wrong. In fact, some adult moths don't eat anything at all. It's the moth larvae (caterpillars) that do the damage. By the time you see moths flying out of the closet, it's too late.

Wrong. Porcupines may occasionally lose a loose quill, but they can't shoot them.

Wrong. On a warm day, snakes are actually warm and dry. In fact, YOUR skin is probably clammier than a snake's.

Wrong. Left to their own devices, pigs are very clean animals. Intelligence tests have also shown that pigs are among the smartest barnyard animals, probably smarter than horses. (You'd never catch a pig running his brains out in the Kentucky Derby!)

Wrong. Bulls are color blind. What makes them mad is the gesturing ritual of the matador.

Wrong. It may stunt your life but it won't affect your growth. (Pregnant women, however may give birth to undersize babies if they smoke.)

Wrong. There's no law or regulation, says they can't.

Wrong. Colds are caused by viruses, not dampness or cold air.

Wrong. It'll make you fat, but it won't give you pimples (unless you're allergic to it).

Wrong. This will make things worse, not better. Frostbitten areas should instead be immersed in water between 105 and 110 degrees Fahrenheit.

Wrong. For minor burns, your best bet is to stick it under cold tap water for as much as a half hour. Serious burns, require medical attention.

Wrong. When it was first concocted, Coca-Cola contained cocaine. It doesn't anymore and hasn't for years. Coke and aspirin won't do anything for you (except maybe cure a headache).

Wrong. The oath has no legal status and is not required of M.D.'s.

Wrong. Rust in itself is harmless and does not cause tetanus. But, since that rusty nail is probably dirty, too, it will likely carry germs that are dangerous it.

Wrong. Of course, it's not flat either. Actually, it's a little squashed at the poles so the measurement around the equator is greater than the measurement around the poles.

Wrong. Technically, a desert is any area - hot, cold or in between - that doesn't have enough plants to support human life. Sand doesn't matter. Both polar regions are properly called deserts.

Wrong. It points to the north magnetic pole which is in Canada. The earth's magnetic poles don't coincide with the north and south poles. Earth's magnetic field reverses itself periodically. A few million years ago, your compass would have pointed south instead.

Wrong. There's not much out there - about one dust grain for every 100,000 cubic meters of space - but that's still enough to blot out the light of some distant stars.

BABYLON The City That Should Have Stood Forever - Daily Walk

Babylon's walls were 60 miles long, 300 feet high, and 80 feet thick. The city straddled the Euphrates River and was further protected by a moat and 250 manned towers. A total of 100 brass gates guarded the entrances to the city. And still it fell in a day!

HARRY S TRUMAN: on opinion polls

How far would Moses have gone if he had taken a poll in Egypt! What would Jesus Christ have preached if he had taken a poll in the land of Israel? What could have happened to the Reformation if Martin Luther had taken a poll! It isn't polls or public opinion of the moment that counts. It is right and wrong and leadership.

SUPERMAN'S CLOTHING 3rd Bathroom Reader

Every time George Reeves, Tv's Superman, donned his costume for a public appearance, he risked kicks in the shins, fists in his back, and other assaults by young admirers eager to prove how strong the "Man of Steel" really was.

One afternoon in Detroit in 1953, the costume almost cost Reeves his life. He was making an appearance at a department store when a young fan pulled out his father's loaded .45 Army Colt and pointed it directly at Reeves' chest. Miraculously, Reeves talked the kid into putting it down. He assured the boy that Superman could stand the force of the shot, but "when bullets bounce off my chest, they might hurt you and others around here."

SINCERITY David Hawthorne, April 1971

The date was 1966, in a game between the Minnesota Vikings and the Philadelphia Eagles. The Eagles had the ball and were forging their way down the field when in the mass of confusion a crucial play they fumbled the ball. Horns and wings scrambled for the ball, However, Viking Jim Marshall was the one who happened to catch the lucky bounce. Grabbing it quickly and burying it in his chest, Marshall streaked towards the goal post at full tilt, bombarded only by the yells, screams, laughs and moans of the crowd in the stands, It was a touchdown. Unfortunately for Marshall, he had run in the wrong direction, and had turned a heroic feat into laughable martyrdom.

Panting & perspiring two boys on a tandem bicycle at last reached the top of a steep hill.

"Stiff climb, Mike," said Billy, breathing heavily.

"Sure was," agreed Mike. "If I hadn't kept that brake on we'd have gone backward."

THE FATHER OF OUR COUNTRY Uncle John’s 3rd Bathroom Reader

The Myth: George Washington was the first president of the United States.

The Truth: Washington was the first to serve as America's president under the Constitution of 1789, but the United States was a sovereign nation 13 years before the Constitution was written. In 1771, the Congress adopted the Articles of Confederation, which were ratified by the states in 1781. Later in 1781, this new legislative body convened and elected John Hanson as "President of the U.S. in Congress assembled." Hanson had been a member of the Maryland assembly and the Continental Congress, where he played a key role in convincing Maryland, the only state against the Articles of Confederation, to ratify them. Washington himself sent Hanson a letter of congratulations on his "appointment to fill the most important seat in the United States." However, Hanson and the seven other presidents who served before George Washington have been forgotten.

"Figures can't lie," said the instructor. "For instance, if one man can build a house in twelve days, twelve men can build it in one."

A puzzled student interrupted: "Then 288 will build it in one hour, 17,280 in one minute, and l,036,800 in One second. I don't believe they could lay one brick in that time."

While the instructor was still gasping, the "ready reckoner" went on: "And again, if one ship can cross the Atlantic in six days, six ships can cross in one day. I can't believe that either."

YOU'VE GOT MY SHOPPING CART July 1995 Reader's Digest page 144

At the supermarket I noticed an elderly man who seemed to be following me wherever I went. As I moved to each aisle, there he was, smiling at me. Now I was wondering if he was interested in me. At the dairy counter I was checking out the eggs when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning around, I saw that it was the same man. "Lady," he finally said, "you have my shopping cart."

THE BLUFF RULE (Quoted from "Who's on First" by Ron Luciano and David Fisher) Reader's Digest 6/84 p.75)

Ray Miller, now the Baltimore Orioles' pitching coach, was on the mound in Dubuque, Iowa, when he helped test an umpire. Again the bases were loaded. The batter hit a grounder back to Miller, who fired a one-hopper to the catcher to force the runner on third. Just as his throw got there the runner slammed into the catcher.

The umpire looked on the ground for the ball and couldn't spot it, so he couldn't call the runner safe. The he looked in the catcher's glove. The ball wasn't there either, so he couldn't call him out. For a moment, everybody stood absolutely still. Then the whole field erupted.

The catcher knew he didn't have the ball, so he started searching for it. The runners seeing the catcher looking around, took off. Miller came running in to try to find the ball. The runner from second base slid across the plate. The runner from 1st slid across the plate.

Then Miller saw the ball. In the collision at the plate, the first runner had slashed a hole in the catcher's pants with his spikes and the ball had gone into the pants. So as the hitter was rounding third trying for an inside the pants home run, Miller was grabbing the catcher.

Eventually the plate umpire allowed all runners to advance only one base. He quoted the rule that "When the ball lodges in the catcher's mask or paraphernalia, all runners shall be permitted to advance one base from their position when the first part of the play was made." That satisfied both managers.

In fact, no such rule existed at the time. But one of the first things an umpire learns in the minor leagues is that managers and players don't know the rulebook at all. This makes the BLUFF RULE a very useful tool. To invoke it, the confused umpire simply must sound as though he knows what he is talking about and do so loudly and firmly. It can get him out of many a sticky situation and might just be his ticket to the major leagues.

I KNOW IT SHOULD BE JESUS R.Digest 4/83 p. 76

During his children's sermon, our assistant minister asked the kids, "What is gray, has a bushy tail and gathers nuts in the fall?"

One five yr. old raised his hand. "I know the answer should be Jesus," he began, "but it sounds like a squirrel to me."

I SAW IT R.Digest 4/83 p. 150

The baseball game was in progress, and the pitcher had just walked three men to load the bases. It was the last of the ninth with two outs, the fourth batter was at plate, and the score was tied. When the count went to 3 balls and 2 strikes, the catcher called time to speak to the pitcher.

"Listen, Tom," said the catcher. "We lose the game if you throw another ball, so here's what we'll do. You wind up, rear back and throw as hard as you can - but hold on to the ball. Don't let go."

So the catcher went back to his position, the ump yelled, "Play ball," and Tom went into his windup. Then with all his might he made a throwing motion toward the plate. The catcher banged his fist into his glove, and the ump yelled, "Strike three, you're out!"

The batter couldn't believe his ears. He flung his cap to the ground and screamed at the ump, "Whadda ya, blind? That ball was outside by a mile!"

HALF ARE WRONG R.Digest 5/86 p.48

While driving on a country road in N.Y., I stopped to talk with a farmer. Our conversation centered on the ability of cows in a pasture to predict the weather.

"When the cows are standing," the farmer assured me, "it means no rain for the next 24 hours. When they're lying down, it means it's going to rain."

"What does it mean when half the herd is standing and the rest are lying down?" I asked.

He answered gravely, "That means that half of them are wrong!"

WHAT'S IN A NAME? R.Digest 2/82 p. 72

On NBC's "Tonight Show" Johnny Carson read an item from the lost-and-found column of a Midwestern newspaper: "Lost dog - brown fur, some missing due to mange, blind in one eye, deaf, lame leg due to recent traffic accident, slightly arthritic. Goes by the name of "Lucky."

CALLING A STRIKE A BALL R.Digest 8/90 p.67

The community softball league couldn't afford to pay umpires, so each team volunteered a member for the thankless task. When my first turn came, I was nervous - ballplayers in our town had been rough on rookie umpires.

"Play ball" I called, in what I hoped was a confident voice. The 1st pitch came hard and fast. "Strike one," I yelled. The next pitch was high, and I shouted, "Ball one." I thought this was going to be easy after all.

Then I saw the pitcher walking toward me. "What did you call that pitch?" he asked.

"A ball," I said. "It was high."

The pitcher shook his head in disbelief. "Yeah," he replied, "but the batter swung and missed!"

WHY WON'T IT FLY R.Digest 7/82 p.133

Overheard on an Alaskan 2 way radio: "Fairbanks, this is XKY-12. Could you send us another helicopter? The one we have is inoperative."

"Negative on that XKY-12. Can we send you parts or technicians to repair the one you have?"

"Negative, Fairbanks. We need a new ship."

"XKY-12, helicopters are not cheap," the voice admonished. "Why won't the one you have fly?"

This was followed by a silence so long that I thought I had lost their signal. Finally, the mechanic's voice came over the air.

"Well, Fairbanks, I say it won't fly because it's in ten feet of water. The pilot says it won't fly because it's upside down."

MACHINES THAT THINK - Time 4/6/92 p. 69

When CBS hired a newly minted Univac to analyze the vote in the 1952 election, network officials thought it a nifty publicity stunt. But when the printout appeared, an embarrassed Charles Collingwood reported that the machine couldn't make up it's mind. It was not until after midnight that CBS confessed the truth: Univac had correctly predicted that Eisenhower would swamp Adlai Stevenson in one of the biggest landslides in history, but nobody believed it.

GROUP PORTRAIT Pulpit Helps 6/92 p. 4 by Joe R. Barnett

"I just don't take a good picture." Ever hear anyone say that? Maybe you have said it yourself. Most of us do not like the pictures we have seen of ourselves. They just do not do us justice. Or is that they do not flatter us enough?

A well known photographer said: "There are very few beautiful women or handsome men in the world. It takes careful lighting and posing to make most people appear attractive. Many do not know they have a crooked nose, one small eye, a lopsided jaw, or some other flaw. Unfortunately, when they look into a mirror, they are usually engaging in some type of activity like shaving or combing their hair. This is deceiving, for when a person is in motion, physical defects are not noticeable. But when he is still, as in a photograph, his undesirable features become obvious."

When a picture does not please us, we may be able to blame it on poor lighting. Or perhaps the photographer lacked experience.

But there are no such mistakes in God's photograph of us. He takes a perfect picture. We may not like the way we look spiritually, but we certainly cannot blame the imperfections on faulty lighting or an inexperienced photographer.

Romans 3 gives a "Group picture" of man. It is not very pretty, but it is accurate. It shows us as unrighteous, sinful, bitter, and opposed to God. We need to spend more time in front of God's mirror - the Word, not denying, but correcting the flaws. Jesus came to give us a new face. And He promise that if we want to, we can become "new creatures."

As someone has said: "God formed us; sin deformed us; Christ can transform us."

UNRIGHTEOUSNESS IS MISSING (an observation from spell checking previous illustration)

As I was using the spell check feature of the church's computer, it highlighted a word as not being in its "dictionary" of words and thus questioned its validity as a word. The word was "unrighteous." It offered as other options "neurotics" and "ingrates" but the idea of unrighteousness apparently didn't seem important to compilers of their dictionary. Sin rarely seems fashionable and to call something unrighteous would seem inappropriate, so the word somehow got left out.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LISTENING AND HEARING R.Digest 7/92 p. 74

Doing Electrical work, my boss was up on a ladder, asking a helper on the ground for a piece of pipe 3 feet long. The wrong-sized pipe was handed up to him, and he sent it back. "I want a pipe 36 inches long," he said. Again he was given the wrong size. Finally, my boss became and angry and shouted, "Why can't I get a piece 3 feet long?"

From the bottom of the ladder his helper responded, "How do you expect me to get it right if you keep changing the measurements?"

WORKING HARD OR THINKING? R.Digest 7/92 p. 74

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," I announced to the technician. "It's open!"

"I know," answered the young man. "I already got that side."

SINCERITY Purdue University Glee Club Mother's Day Sermon 1972

Two hunters were stalking deer one day, and spotting a deer, shot at it. Unfortunately, the deer, though wounded, fled into the deep forest. The hunters tracked the animal into the woods to the place where it expired, and there they discussed the best way of getting it back to their car. They finally decided to drag it by its antlers so that the horns would not drag and scrape and slow them down. They did this for several yards when finally one of them commented, "you know, we probably ought to drag him by his hind feet, because we're just getting farther away from the car this way."

CHECKING HIS ANSWERS R.Digest 11/92 p. 89

One of my most challenging courses at the U. of Denver was a business law class in which the professor gave difficult true / false tests. During one of the more exasperating exams, I noticed another student flipping a coin. The professor approached him. "Son are you guessing on this test?" he asked.

"No sir," replied the student. "I'm just checking my answers."

DECISIONS Pulpit Helps 2/93 p.14

Former President Ronald Reagan says he learned the need for decision making early in life. An aunt had taken him to a cobbler to have a pair of shoes made for him. The shoemaker asked the young Reagan "do you want a square toe or a round toe?"

Reagan hemmed and hawed. So the cobbler said, "Come back in a day or two and let me know what you want."

A few days later the shoemaker saw Reagan on the street and asked what he had decided about the shoes. "I still have not made up my mind," the boy answered. "Very well," said the cobbler.

When Reagan received the shoes, he was shocked to see that one shoe had a square toe and the other had a round toe.

"Looking at those shoes every day taught me a lesson," said Reagan, years later. "If you do not make your own decisions, somebody else will make them for you!"

The sovereign God has made us people, not puppets. We have His Word to guide us, His love to redeem us, and His assurance to make us capable of making choices.

I'LL ADMIT I'M WRONG IF YOU'LL ADMIT I WAS RIGHT R.Digest 2/93 p.92

A woman and her husband were involved a petty argument and both were unwilling to admit they were in error. Finally the wife tried to be conciliatory by saying "I'll admit that I'm wrong if you'll admit that I'm right."

He agreed and, like a gentleman, he insisted that she go first. "I'm wrong," she said.

With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "you're right!"

OPINION POLLS AND THEIR VALUE R.Digest 5/78 p.218

William L. Mitchell, car designer at GM for 42 years on the value of marketing studies: "Frank Lloyd Write never went around ringing doorbells to find out what kind of homes people liked. The most heavily researched car in history was the ill fated Edsel."

NO FEAR BEING MISTAKEN FOR FISH R.Digest 1973

A veteran guide in Canada recently announced to a group of listeners that from now on he would guide only fishermen - no more hunters.

"Why? Have you something against hunters?" he was asked.

"Nope. I like them fine," he answered.

"Do fishermen pay more?" a second man persisted.

"Nope, less," he replied.

"Then why just fishermen?" asked another exasperated man in the group.

"Well," drawled the guide, "so far none of them have mistaken me for a fish.

"NOT TO ME.." r.digest November 1974

And Walter Piston, the great musician and composer at Harvard, tells me of taking a rather back-roads route from a concert at Tanglewood in the Berkshires to Hanover NH for an engagement. He came to a fork that had signs pointing in both directions saying White River Junction. "Does it make any difference," he inquired of an old timer standing nearby, "which road I take to White River?" If not enlightened, Piston was duly impressed by the answer: "Not to me it don't."

HOW WE DESCRIBE OURSELVES Health Magazine May/June 93

TV RULES TO LIVE BY - UNCLE JOHN'S 2ND BATHROOM READER

Remember the eagle may soar, but the weasel never gets sucked up into a jet engine. Rick Simon/Simon and Simon

Like my old skleenball coach used to say, "Find out what you don't do well, then don't do it." Alf

"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of bandages and adhesive tape." Groucho Marx on "You Bet Your Life."