Custom at Duquesne University dictated that if a professor was 10 minutes late, class was canceled. One professor arrived early for a 9 a.m. lecture. He placed his hat on his desk, and went to the faculty room. Before he knew it, it was 9:10 . By the time he got back to his classroom, it was empty.

The next day, he let his students have it. “When my hat is here,” he fumed, “I’m here!”

The following day, the professor arrived at 9 a.m. . He was met by the sight of 25 hats on 28 desks – and no students.

WHY NOT COME ON YOUR OWN ?

When you were born, your mother brought you to church.

When you were married, your wife brought you to church.

When you die, your friends will bring you to church.

Why not try coming to church on your own sometime?

Studies in Theology , James Denney, Hodder & Stoughton, 1895, p. 173, “The Church and the Kingdom of God ”

PLEASE EXCUSE ME Contributed by:  Tony Fox

Too Busy Hebrews 9:27

Too many hypocrites Revelation 3:4

Too tired Matthew 11:28

Too far Romans 8:38-39

Someone hurt my feelings Matthew 6:12

Clothing not good enough James 2:1-5

Church not popular Matthew 7:13-14

Had Company Luke 10:38-42

Weather too bad Romans 8:35

Don't want to go Hebrews 4:1

The following notice was posted on the bulletin bd. of a business office:

"The management regrets that it has come to their attention that workers dying on the job are failing to fall down. This practice must stop, as it becomes impossible to distinguish between death and natural movement of the staff. Any employee found dead in an upright position will be dropped from the payroll."

NOT A FANATIC - R. Digest 4/82 p. 90

Our minister captured the undivided attention of the congregation when he related the following incident:

"I stopped in coffee shop the other day and sat at the counter next to a man reading the newspaper. He glanced at my apparel and then wanted to know where my church was. When I pointed in the direction of the Methodist church on the corner, he said, "Why that's the church I go to myself."

"Isn't that strange?" I replied. "I've been preaching there for five years and I don't believe I've ever seen you."

"Come on now, preacher," he shot back. "I didn't say I was a fanatic."

CHURCH VISITORS from Ideas by TCM 2/91

Barna Research Group, after interviewing 900 unchurched people about how they wanted to be treated when visiting a church, found that the worst thing to do was to identify the visitors during a service and ask them to wear name tags. Personal greetings by members and ushers were appreciated. A phone call the following week from the preacher was welcomed. The majority expressed they did not appreciate being called on in home the week after their visit.

GOD ANNOUNCES A LEAVE OF ABSENCE Palestine, OH Newsletter, 6/26/90

We are sorry to inform you, but God will not be available during the summer, beginning July 1. We have it from reliable sources that He feels He deserves some time off, so has canceled His normal duties for the summer.

However, He has agreed to send the sun and rain occasionally, when He happens to be in town. But so far as answering prayers for the needs of you family, please don't count on Him.« God has let it be known to the church leadership that they should not plan any outreach efforts or mission trips during the summer. Or at least if they do, they will have to do it without Him because He plans to be gone a lot to relatives and the lake. God has expressed the opinion that we should find somebody else to take His place.

Yes, we reminded Him of His promise, "Surely I will be with you always." But He said He didn't realize when He said it that it meant going for 2 or 3 years without a break. He expressed His sincere regrets, and hopes that it will not cause anyone any inconvenience.

God may be contacted anytime after September 1, at which time He hopes to "get back into the routine." Please defer all requests until then.

WHY PEOPLE ATTEND Indian Creek Christian "Encourager" 2/93

Research has indicated that friendship evangelism is an effective way of reaching people for Christ. Studies have shown that roughly:

9% choose a church based on its architecture.

3% select a church because the minister came to visit them.

18% chose a church because of their denominational ties.

22% were influenced to attend because they knew and respected certain members of the church.

34% however, attend a church because they are invited by a friend or a neighbor.

I ATTEND REGULARLY! Hamilton Church Newsletter by David A. Payne 4/93

A minister stood at the church door one Easter Sunday morning, speaking to the people as they left the service. A man came by who hadn't been to church in a long time.

"Good morning, Brother Zeek," the minister said, "I do wish we could see you more regularly."

"What do you mean regularly" said the man angrily, "I come EVERY Easter!"

WEATHERPROOF R.Digest 2/76 p.172

Our church organist, a widow in her late 60s, had not missed a single service the previous winter, though her home is 4 country miles away from the church. Recalling the many heavy snowfalls, I asked how she managed. "No problem," she replied. "When the weather is too ugly to drive, I walk."

WHY PEOPLE ATTEND Pulpit Helps 8/93 p. 27

A survey was conducted in a large city and these were the results:

9% said they chose their church because of its architectural beauty.

14% joined a church because of denominational loyalty

18% joined because it was convenient to their homes

3% joined because of the influence of the minister

22% joined because there were people in the church they respected

34% joined because their neighbors or friend invited them

GOD'S ACCOUNTS The Newsletter Newsletter October 1993

An overbearing and nonreligious farmer said to his neighbor: "I planted my crops on Sunday. You went to church and I didn't. Yet, look at our crops. This fall mine are abundant and yours are mediocre. How do you explain it?" The Christian replied: "God doesn't settle all of His accounts in October."

GOD'S VACATION ditto

I dreamed that God took a vacation He did not say where He would go

He just left us to on a journey & where He went I'm not sure that I know

He wearied and tired of much praying and listening to every weak plea.

Two weeks were just what he'd been needing away from the world & me.

Just then I was faced with a crisis - heart was in deep despair,

My preacher, my friend, nor my neighbors could help with answers to prayer

Oh how I longed for His presence, the touch of his soothing calm hand

To feel he was there close beside me, & to know that He'd understand.

I woke up to find out I was dreaming, & fell on my knees and I cried

Oh, how I thanked God up in Heaven that He was still there by my side

And again, it is time for vacations. I may go by land, sea or air,

Wherever I am on the Lord's Day, I know I shall worship Him there.

DEAR GOD - IT'S JIM Poem

For years each day Jim would rise and pray;

And each week in church, he'd bow his knee

And meekly say, "Dear God, it's Jim."

And when he'd leave, we all could see

God's holy presence walked with him.

Someone asked Ol' Jim one day

Why he was so regular to church and to pray.

Said Jim with a smile and a twinkle and a nod

"It's so one day I'll hear 'Dear Jim, it's God.'"

A visitor will make his mind in the 1st eleven minutes of his visit to a congregation if he will return. From SE Leadership Conference 3/94

Would you believe that lawmakers in the Virginia of 1610 saw fit to prescribe the death penalty for people who failed to attend church services on three consecutive services? Talk about motivation! Alan Ahlgrim, minister of the Rocky Mountain Christian church , says "Come to think of it, my Dad had a similar law when I was a kid. It wasn't a question of "if" we went to church on Sunday, but rather how many times."

REASONS WHY PEOPLE DON'T GO TO CHURCH Rushsylvania Newsletter 7/7/94

Too Busy 20%

No Particular Reason 19%

No Interest in a Church 14%

Had Bad Experience with churches 12%

Don't believe in God/Christ 8%

Don't believe in organized religion 7%

No preference or strong ties to church 5%

Other 5%

Don't Need a church to worship God 4%

Inconvenient Location 3%

Just Stopped Going 3%

According to George Barna ("Understanding Ministry Seminar") the top 4 reasons (65%) all have to do with the same thing. What people are saying is that churches have no value or visible benefit. "I don't see what the church has to offer me." Unchurched people are not against religion, or faith, they want relevance. "Is the church relevant to me?"

WHITHER THOU GOEST, SO GOES THE CHILD - THE ENCOURAGER Aug., 1994

A recent study disclosed that if both Mom and Dad attend church regularly, 72% of their children remain faithful. It also showed:

-if only Dad attends regularly, 55% remain faithful.

-if only Mom attends regularly, 15% remain faithful.

-if neither Mom nor Dad attend regularly, only 6% remain faithful.

DAD'S MOST IMPORTANT MINISTRY 1994 - David Foxgrover

Here are some interesting statistics:

1. If your parents worshipped with you regularly while you were growing up, chances are 80% that you will worship God regularly too.

2. If only your mother worshipped regularly with you, chances are only 30% that you will worship regularly.

Now here's the catch...

3. If only your father worshipped regularly with you, chances are still 70% that you will worship regularly as an adult.

Interpretation, Fathers have a great impact on their children's faith and values. That's pretty obvious. But there may be a more important conclusion: If only Mom is nurturing the kid's faith, then it is easy, especially for boys, to conclude that faith is a female thing, and that it is easier for children to dump it as they get older. If Dad stays home on Sunday, the message is clear: "Faith is not important to Dad, and if it's not important to Dad it need not be important to the kids."